A Call to Cheer Coaches on World Suicide Prevention ( it is applicable to all coaches)

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and I need to get something off my chest.  It's no secret that I have been bullied, most of my life. However something I don't always talk about, as teenager I struggled with self-harming. It became a pain I could control, an ironic balm to the sooth all the pain inflicted upon me that I couldn't. To this day, I doubt my parents even knew the depths to which it went. they only saw the surface. I'm very fortunate in having amazing skin, I've never permanantly scared before. Even the deepest of cuts faded and disappeared over time. Not to say I don't bare the scars unpon my soul. I had my fair share of deep contemplation on if it was really worth living. I'm proud to say I've survived.

Now let it be said, I can't completely fault my coach. It isn't always easy being a student/ athlete/ coach and being hardly out of your teens. I can even say at times I could see the qualities that would make them a great coach, and outside of the gym they could be pretty great. However they've got some growing to do as a coach but I'm confident enough in due time they'll grow into their own as a coach. If they ever come across this, I hope it'll a teachable moment and not shatter their confidence, because in the larger picture they're a good person. Because it's not meant for that. I'm not vindictive.

A little over five months ago, I'd posted a photo on Instagram.

I said it was from cheerleading, it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. I left it to people to make the assumption it was sport related. It's time to clear the air.

I allowed a wound to fester, and eventually unloaded on my coach. I apologized for being a screw up, and that I try damn hard to master my counts. I practiced at two and three in the morning, knowing I had to be up at six am. I told them how they often make me feel worthless, and that I had no value. I was breaking a part. I bolted from the mats. I wanted to run, and I never wanted to look back. It was raining out, and my nfinitys are white.

Who'd want to muck up their competition shoe?

 Instead I flung myself into the bathroom, closed the door and broke apart. I cried for every bit hurt building in my heart. I cursed the fact the coach was pretty blind to what they were causing. What sucked, I could hear the coach making an example out of me from the bathroom, instead of you know checking on their athlete.  As much as I wanted to walk, I made a commitment to my teammates and I wouldn't leave them no matter how much I was hurting.

I pulled as much of myself together and walked back into the gym. My heart was still shredded and I was bleeding through all the cracks in the tenius armour I'd built back up, but I went in. I went to my correct spot in the routine and my coach yelled at me and said get off the mats as they filled in my spot. A clear message of " Your replaceable". I went to the side and sat with my to the wall and watched, just incase something changed in the routine.

Sitting there intently watching, I had bit my finger nail down to a sharp jagged point and proceeded to gouge out the flesh on my forearm. When practice ended, I was bleeding like a stuck pig. Outside the gym, I gave the coach my competition money and they told me " I don't mean to make you feel that way, but I'm not here to be your friend. What happened tonight, if it happens again your off the team" ( which was ironic since they were friends with people on the team) all while demanding I look them in the eye. I didn't want to, I was looking away so they couldn't rip off another bleeding chunk. The coach so seemingly pissed at me during practice failed to notice their own athlete self-harming not even five feet away. I posted the picture on instagram, to remind myself I couldn't be completely destroyed. However that same image brought on so much dissapointment with the hurt I'd been feeling that night. I hadn't cut or self-harmed in almost eight years. I wore mittens to bed that night. Needless to say I spent the next couple of weeks battling back to an even keel.

I guess what I'm saying with it being World Suicide Prevention day, and it being the start of the season for many college, high school, and all-star cheerleading teams. This also marks the start of many sports seasons in general.  Don't be the coach who preaches about leaving it at the door, create an athmosphere where your athletes feel like they can talk to you, without fear of judgement and ridicule. Don't be quick to judge an athlete who seems like they're only giving you 60% instead of 110% because that 60% might be %180 of everything they can give. Don't pass off an athlete as uncoachable and preach it to them with a message of your replaceable, because they'll internalize it.  Talk to your teams about real world problems that could effect them or maybe effecting them now.

Talk to them about triggers, and ask them away from the others if they have any. That way you'll be best able to work around them and not accidentally trigger them. This was something that played a huge part into what happened this year. My coach was close to my age, in my peer group and having them yell at me even deservedly, tell me to quite being a little bitch and the like it set off emotional triggers. It put me in a place where I genuinely couldn't fight back because I'd lose my spot on the team and it did nothing for our generally athlete/ coach relationship.

As coaches this year please watch out for your athletes, even the ones who seem happy go lucky. Value you all of them, let them know they have your friendship put yourself in a position to be the force that keeps them from the edge and not the one to push them over it. Coach your athletes to look out for their teammates and to show an unconditional love for eath other.  Create an enviornment built to break up sucidal thoughts that reminds your athletes they have something to be here for.

I'd also like to say that I am going back to try-out again for the college cheer team. I love the sport and for the most part my teammates. Cheer may not come easy to me at all, but I it's something I give my all too. This year my goal is to get a toss to hands unassisted and maybe a punch front round off back tuck this season.  I'll most likely still work those skills even if I don't make the team. I've also been talking to someone about how I better could of handle that situation and situations like that in the future from my end. I'm happier these days. My forearm has also healed 80% of the way and I only have one small scar to remind me of that battle and I'm sure by May of 2016 it will have left me too.

-H

Croatia, Scotland, Fiji

Scotland

I've never really gone on a "BIG VACATION". Sure I went to Jamaica when I was 6 and my sister was getting married. I don't really remember to much beyond wearing an itchy outfit, and being paid Five Whole Bucks to shut up. I've got a good set of pipes, if I wantcha to hear me....YOU DO!

Fiji

I've decided I'd really like to go to Croatia, but I'd really love to visit Scotland and Fiji sounds really cool as well.

Croatia

It'd be an interesting growing experience to take a trip, independant of my parents, family or a school team. One I've financed completely on my own, where I must be responsible, prepare and call the shots.

Is there anywhere you've ever wanted to visit?

Stay Beautiful...

I realize we live in a society that puts so much emphasis on physical beauty. I know the world can be full of people uttering hurtful words.  I know when I turn on the TV, I am not the only one who sees commercials, music videos, shows and movies filled with very good looking people. I know what it's like to see that, and feel average or sub-par. But I have something to tell you, You're beautiful.

Look in the mirror, you've got beautiful eyes. You might have hair that is curly, straight, kinky or a million different cowlicks, or you might not have any hair at all, But it's still all beautiful. You've got a unique smile that is all your own. There are so many incredible things about you inside, and out that make you beautiful.

Life can get tough, it can get ugly and it can be cruel. However Life will always be Beautiful and so will you.

Stay Beautiful.

-H

Some Veterans and Fireworks just don't Mix

Image from: Releasing The Past

I'm a Canadian, and I've grown up with a healthy love for the Military home and Abroad. I remember vividly being a young squirt, laying spread eagle on the floor, and watching my parents tv. I was completely captivated by Lt.Dan in Forrest Gump. I wanted to be a Marine. Mind you I was a young kid and I wasn't able to link Marines up with America, I mean I could hardly tie my shoes. However as I grew, my dreams changed but my love for the military and it's servicefolk and veterans has remained.

With the 1st of July( Canada Day) and the 4th of July( Independance Day:USA) there are going to be a lot of fireworks. However not everyone enjoys them, some veterans because of PTSD end up in terrifying flashbacks of warzones, danger and losing their brothers in arms. Fireworks after all are essentially very colourful, non-destructive and pretty bombs.

If you live in an area where civilians can set of their own fireworks, and you know or possibly think you may have a veteran in your area. Try and gather all the neighbours wanting to set of their fireworks together and have a big show away from the homes. If this isn't possible, maybe you and your neighbours could each chip in 5$ or 10$ and gift your neigbourhood with a pair of good noise cancelling headphones and some Dinner on US cash so they can order out and have their own quiet dinner and movie. Take some pictures of your fireworks, print a few out and have the neighbours sign them and gift them to your veteran. They need to know you're in their corner, and you don't think less of them for not quite being able to handle the fireworks.

Now I've always wondered as a community, and knowing what we do about PTSD and the effects it can have on people. Why haven't we organized and put into place a night of fun for our local veterans ( and their family) where the noise associated with the 4th of July & Canada Day would be muffled or kept at a minimum? Maybe a night at the movies where a family funny, non-violent film ( New or Old) could be shown. It's just a thought, maybe you'll be the one in your area to start something like this.

Long story short, please respect your veterans and some of the mental scars they carry over these two holidays.

-H

Eastbound: Road Trip Essentials.

In August, I'll be rolling out and headed for the East Coast. The Canadian East Coast is home to the finest hospitality a person could ever encounter. I've been out that way in the past, as a mere 10th grader touring and doing Acrosport performances with my high school team ( good times). We'd made it all the way out to Prince Edward Island, home of the great P.E.I Potatoe. That dirt is also really red.

Not much has changed since that last trip and the one I'll be embarking on in August. One thing thats changed, I definitely can't eat McDonalds three squares a day for an entire trip. I'm still not completely sure how I lived on such a diet every tour. We'll pack a handful of EasyLunchBoxes with snacks, sandwiches and any controbaned Candy my Dad and I sneak in. We have the Classic and Urban Sets. They've survived my abuse for an entire college year, and my Dad's day to day work life. They'll do fine on the road.

One thing that'll never change, when I travel I need my own pillow and a sleeping bag. If I had my way, we'd bring tents and go camping when stopped for the nights. However, my sister doesn't camp. I'm sure her idea of camping is a Howard Johnson with nature wallpaper and Wifi. However I don't really like hotel bedding, it's not a gemaphobe hang-up. I just like my own blanket to remind me of being home. In a perfect world, I'd be rocking an American League MLB sleeping bag from Pottery Barn Teen with the equally awesome pillow case.

(  These could look awesome in Pool outside with a White and light blue striped inside and Purple outside and light grey and white striped inside. I know a lot of young women and girls who love baseball and would love to have something like this)

Road trips are the best time to get caught up on a good book, or re-read an old book you haven't in awhile. I'm going to stop at the library just before I go and pick up a few Brian Jacques Redwall novels. They've been a long-time favourtie of mine.

Naturally a college/ high schooler is going to automatically pack their iPhones, Laptops, iPods, Nintendo DS and things like that. I'll have my computer with me for sure and my phone.....I don't want my parents to get lost and not be able to find me and by them I mean me. I also like to find away to cram my baseball glove, a few baseballs, A frisbee and my skateboard into the mix.

What stuff do you bring on your roadtrips?

Job Hunt Blues

 The school year is over, you could be in college, or you might just be a high schooler. You'd like a little pocket money, perhaps your saving for your next year of school and you've been hunting for a job none stop. Except nothing is turning up. I've been there a time or two. Let's just call it the job hunt blues.


Your parents are all over you, they might say you're lazy or offer less than helpful tips about things you need to change in oder to land a job. Then there are times they'll mention their friend so and so's son of daughter who's landed a part-time job at the ice cream parlor.  At times they might even tell you to just walk into the store, and except you to be employed. Don't be mad they're from a different time, and those times have changed. However take some of what they say to heart. It could help you never know.

Even though you've made all the right steps, you wrote your resume well and it's been checked for those pesky errors. You dress nicely when you deliver it in person, and when you do get an interview. Your handshake is nice and firm and you're using the good manners your parents taught you. Sometimes it just doesn't pan out.

Make sure you never get discouraged or give up. Most things don't come today but next week. Work hard, keep on chipping and you'll land someting eventually. It often takes me a while to land a summer gig, but when I do it's often worth it. I even score some nice clothes or goodies because of a nice employee discount.

Never Give Up!

2015 Summer Essentials 4 Guys & Girls

I always see blogs that are specifically aimed at young women when it comes to topics like fashion, decore. I want to try something different. A blog post that works for both! These are my top summer essentials for guys and girls. I am not a spokesmen for any of these brands.

Guys Button- Down: Aeropostale

Button Downs - A crisp button down is a must have for guys and girls. They can easily be dressed down for late night beach party and dressed up for fancier occasions. They're a versatile piece.

Girls Aviators: Aeropostale

Sunglasses -  Your eyes are important, you might as protect them and be stylish. They can be a great little pop for any ensemble. You pick a style that works for you, something that has you turning your head and going. I look Hot. These ones are from Aeropostale.

Dark Wash Jeans: Aeropostale

Dark Wash Jeans-  Everybody knows jeans are a staple of any season. However it's summer and I'm calling dark wash jeans because of their versatility and parability. A dark pair of jeans can once more be dressed up with a sport coact or blazer and be sophisticated, and the next second be matched with your favourite band-t for those summer music festivals.

24oz Waterbottles: PbTeen

Water bottle- Staying hydrated on those trips to the beach, amusement park or whatever your young heart desires it's import. You might as well have an awesome bottle that reflects your style, that you can use time and again. I think these Pottery Barn Teen are awesome. They also offer them in Camoflauge, Houndstooth, and an unusual geometric design as well.

Library Card - I know it seems kind of silly, but summer is the perfect time to read a good book that you actually want and choose to read. Sure their are eReaders, and iPads to read form. However their is something about reading an actual book outside. You don't loose the screen in the suns gare. Looking through a library, you'll even come across books that catch your eye that you might not have thought about before.


All of these are great things, but the best thing you'll ever need for any summer is imagination and a thirst for adventure. Go out, try new things, learn a new skill, and make some new friends. Create memories that'll last far longer than physical items.